For church leaders
You can start with one child and one buddy.
Special Friends grew out of a church that said yes before it felt ready. Here are honest answers to the worries leaders bring to Sue most often.
Two-minute check
Is your church ready?
Answer six quick questions to get next steps that fit where you are. Your answers aren't saved or sent anywhere.
What about behavior?
This is the most common worry. Traditional children's ministry assumes every child can sit, listen, do a craft and wait for a snack. Many children can't fit that mold. Change the structure, not the child. Give them a buddy who knows them, a place to take breaks, and shorter lessons with more movement. When a buddy knows a child tends to run, they're ready for it.
We don't have special education experts.
You don't need them. Stillwater's buddies have included retirees, teenagers, college students and a car mechanic with no prior experience. What makes a great buddy is a relationship with Christ, a willingness to learn and a desire to serve. Sue's podcast and the buddy tip sheet are a good place to start, and more training videos are on the way.
"A kid like Sean needs a little bit of extra attention, but apart from that he doesn't need anything particularly different than other kids." A Special Friends buddy
We're a small church.
Small churches are often exactly where a family needs to be loved. If one child with special needs comes, the only question is who you could pair with them. It grows one buddy at a time.
Won't this be expensive?
A sensory room can start as a corner with a tent, some pillows and a bin of rice (watch closely, since some children put things in their mouths). Ask your congregation for outgrown toys and furniture. See the sensory room checklist for a budget-friendly list.
What if volunteers don't show up?
Build a small team so no one has to serve every week. Keep a backup buddy on call, and pair each regular buddy with the same child so they build trust. Look for each person's gift, too. Not everyone needs to be a buddy. Some people can build, set up, or pray. Since 2014, Stillwater has never had a Sunday without a buddy.
How do we keep children safe?
Screen buddies the same way you screen any children's volunteer, including background checks, and follow your church's child safety policy. Before a child's first Sunday, ask parents about medical needs, allergies, bathroom help, what calms their child, and what to do if their child runs or has a hard moment. Never hold a child down. If a child runs, follow calmly and call for another adult.
Is it worth the effort?
Families who feel welcome tell other families, and the people who serve are changed too. Many buddies say they get more out of it than they give.
What it takes
If we ignore those folks, we're ignoring our mandate to love one another that Christ gave to us. These are people who need Jesus Christ. They need a community around them.
Why this matters
Most churches don't have this yet. Yours can start small.
special needs families have left at least one church because their child was not included or welcomed.
Church4EveryChildof special needs parents have skipped a religious activity because their child was not welcomed.
Church4EveryChildof church-attending special needs families say their church needs more disability training.
Church4EveryChildof churches are estimated to have no special needs ministry of any kind.
The Banquet NetworkWhen Special Friends surveyed its families, every one said they were very satisfied once even a basic program was in place. You can make a real difference before everything is figured out.
Where to next